How Embarrassing

I am no stranger to being caught in embarrassing situations. As are most people, I suppose. But, it is not the level of embarrassment you may feel, it is how you react to the situation that really matters. For instance, if you slip and fall in the middle of a crowded room, your best bet is to jump right up, take a bow and say, “Thank you! And for my next trick…”

Since I am not that graceful, I’ve had to use that one a lot -- most recently at White House/Black Market. Both of the kids were in school and, for whatever reason, I had actually taken the time to fix myself up. So, I walked into the store feeling all confident and happy that I was about to enjoy a nice morning of shopping without having to bribe anyone with suckers or gum to get them to stop hiding in the racks or pulling up the mannequin’s dress.

I stepped inside and was just about to reply to the nice saleslady’s chipper, “And how are you today?” when my foot slipped across the tile one way sending my butt another way and I ended up sprawled in an awkward half split on the White House/Black Market floor. So, I did the only thing I could do -- hop up, take a dramatic bow and say, “Thank you! I’ll be here all week!”

Sadly, the saleslady was not amused. She was, instead, overly-concerned with my well-being. I told her not to worry, that I wasn’t going to sue. But I did think a nice discount was in order.

This morning, I spent about twenty minutes with the stereo cranked up, dancing around the house and belting out GLEE songs. Then, I realized that there were workers outside rebuilding our fence. Nice. I hope they like GLEE.

This is not unlike the time I ran downstairs topless to get my upper-body wear out of the dryer, completely oblivious to the fact that all the blinds were wide-open and the lawn-care crew was outside. I didn’t take a bow that day. But, I guess I should have.

Once, back when I was working in the cubicle jungle, I was caught talking out loud to myself. (Okay, I’m sure I was caught talking to myself more than once, but this particular incident was the only one I recorded.) I was alone in the elevator chatting me up as I am wont to do when I am alone in an elevator. I was right in the middle of explaining to myself why I needed to have a chicken salad sandwich for lunch verses an egg salad sandwich, when the doors opened to reveal a man waiting to get on. As I happened to be holding my arm out looking at my watch at the exact moment that this gentleman appeared, I did the only thing I could do: I got off the elevator and continued talking into my watch in the hopes that he would simply think I was an undercover operative relaying information back to headquarters via the transmitter hidden inside the wrist band. Because otherwise he would have just thought I was crazy.

I don’t know why I feel the need to constantly try and involve strangers in the continuous comedy routine that is my life. But I love when people join in on my humor.

However, I think I love it even more when they don’t.

Last year, some friends and I were going to see “So You Think You Can Dance” at the Gwinnett Arena. We were late so we were running across the parking lot. We got there, all out of breath, and I handed my ticket to the lady at the door. I said, “Phew! We made it! Did you hold the show for us?”

She just looked at me, scanned my ticket and said flatly, “The show hasn’t started yet.” And then she moved on to the next person.

Once inside, my friend Tonya said, “Does that happen to you a lot?”

And I said, “Yes. Yes, it does.”