36 Years, 36 Random Things

Today is my 36th birthday. And in honor of such a momentous occasion, I will now bestow upon you 36 strange but true, random facts about myself.

Ready...?

1.) I once stopped dating a guy because I thought his head was too small for his body.

2.) I was in therapy for an eating disorder in my 20’s and sometimes wish I could tap into that mindset again (just a little bit) to get back some of my former willpower. Sure, I should never weigh 100 pounds again, but 125 wouldn’t be so bad.

3.) When I was a child, we had a dog that my parents put to sleep. It was a good two days before I even realized the dog was missing.

4.) When I was young I took piano lessons, ice skating lessons and clogging lessons. I’ve pretty much forgotten the piano, would bust my butt if I stepped out onto the ice, but I can still “Cotton Eye Joe” with the best of ‘em.

5.) I like narcotics. I’m not saying I abuse them or obtain them illegally, I’m just saying I like them.

6.) I love stand-up comedy and often wish I could be a comedian.

7.) I know a lot of impressive, big words, but I can’t spell any of them. If I use them when I write then spell check is a must.

8.) My dream job would be to star in a hit TV sit-com. One with a fun and talented ensemble cast like “Friends” or “Seinfeld.” Oh, and I want it to be filmed in front of a live, studio audience.

9.) If I go into a restaurant and ask for a Coke and the waiter tells me they only have Pepsi, I order sweet tea. And I do it with disdain.

10.) At various times in my life, I have been a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker. Once all in the same night.

11.) My other dream job would be to have my own editorial column in a magazine or newspaper where I could simply ramble on about whatever is on my mind -- in a witty and entertaining way of course.

12.) Doing simple math under pressure is too much for me to handle. If I have to figure up a tip in my head (like at a spa or hair salon), I usually panic and end up giving way too much. I once tipped the person who did my hair nearly 40%.

13.) I once gave up red meat for three months. This was following the realization that I hadn't had red meat in two months prior to the boycott. So, technically, only three of the five red-meat-free-months was a sacrifice. But still.

14.) I believe that studies that claim a glass of wine a day is good for your health. A bottle is made of glass. That’s all I’m sayin.’

15.) People often don’t understand my humor, but I don’t mind. I enjoy the blank stares.

16.) My mother is my hero.

17) I am a night person. That is when I have the most energy and am the most productive. I stay up well into the night and sleep late in the mornings. I hate it when people assume that if you sleep later than 9:00 in the morning you are being lazy. To those people I say, “Hey, I was up at 3 AM doing laundry. What were you doing -- sleeping?” Then I mutter, “Lazy ass” and walk away.

18.) I think that if you sue someone and you lose, then you should have to pay all the legal fees involved for both sides.

19.) My middle name is spelled, “Lea,” but it is pronounced like “Leigh.” My father misspelled it on my birth certificate. His thinking was that since the masculine form was “Lee,” then the feminine form must be “Lea.” Apparently, he also thought we were Spanish.

20.) I hate people who keep wild animals for pets -- such as tigers or lions -- and I have absolutely no sympathy for them when they get mauled or eaten.

21.) I have the entire scripts from "When Harry Met Sally," "Gone With the Wind" and "A Few Good Men" rolling around inside my head. If I so much as hear the suggestion of the line "you can't handle the truth" I can't stop myself from completing the speech. If I don't complete the speech, I will die.

22.) I love drama. And melodrama. And dramatic melodrama.

23.) I can remember dialog from TV shows and movies I have seen only once and yet cannot solve for “X” in the simplest of equations.

24.) I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with the torturing of terrorists and terrorist supporters to get them to talk.

25.) I sucked my thumb until I was in the first grade.

26.) I know way too much random, useless trivia.

27.) I love Chex Mix, but I eat around the pretzels. So, if you are ever served pretzels in my home, chances are they are simply the pretzels I didn’t eat from my last bag of Chex Mix.

28.) I was a nanny for two years in college.

29.) I prefer projects that can be completely within a small timeframe. I am not good at following-through with anything that takes longer than a few hours or days to complete. I suppose this doesn’t bode well for my marriage or my career as a mom.

30.) Sometimes I feel guilty for how often I leave my children or how much they spend the night away from home. But the guilt usually goes away after a few minutes.

31.) I derive most of my energy from other people. If I am by myself for too long, I get depressed. I love big crowds and rooms full of noisy friends.

32.) When I was little, I wanted to be a marine biologist. Now, I can’t even stand to go to Sea World. Or anyplace that allows nature to roam freely.

33.) I view sarcasm as an art form. And I am an artist.

34.) When my older brother and I were little, I could always get him into trouble by accusing him of hurting me even when he didn’t. No matter who started the fight or who did what, he would be the one to get into trouble. I think he’s still pretty pissed about that.

35.) I have never played any sport that would require running around, sweating or hard objects being thrown at me. It is for this reason that I can proudly say I have never broken a bone or dislocated, twisted or strained any part of my body.

36.) I think I could successfully get away with murder provided I had enough time to plan.